IT'S JUST A THOUGHT: IT’S JUST A THOUGHT: ZAMBIAN POLITICIANS AND THE G...

IT'S JUST A THOUGHT: IT’S JUST A THOUGHT: ZAMBIAN POLITICIANS AND THE G...: I was just thinking.   Wouldn’t it be nice to investigate every Zambian politician who got into office from 1991? I would love ...

IT’S JUST A THOUGHT: ZAMBIAN POLITICIANS AND THE GOLD RUSH

I was just thinking.

 Wouldn’t it be nice to investigate every Zambian politician who got into office from 1991? I would love to know what every one of these men and women had in form of money, property and other assets and what they now have, or had when they left office. My gut feeling tells me that the majority wouldn’t be able to account for the wealth they now have.

We all know school teachers, union leaders, civil servants, doctors and the rest, except lawyers I guess, don’t make a ton of money from their salaries in this country, but how do you explain the farms, milling companies, 4x4’s, children’s bulging bank accounts and properties that these people now have after running for office? How do you explain sudden educational scholarships for their children in Beijing, Moscow, London and Pretoria? Yeh, and the top police brass; how come they own all these mansions in exclusive areas when we all know they get a penny and half for their disservice? No, something isn’t wrong; it’s just not business as usual when you are in public office in this country. You get in broke, busted and disgusted and by the time you come out the other end, money is foaming all over your mouth.

There isn’t any difference between some of our politicians running for public office and the 1848 to 1859 California Gold Rush which brought people from all over the United States and the world to search for gold. There is gold available by hook or crook in Zambian politics and people seeking office from all over this Republic know that there is something in it for them.

I am reminded of an American TV game show I enjoyed watching on ABC, “Let’s Make a Deal”. With the cameras panning across the studio audience, the announcer said, “All these people dressed as they are, come from all over the United States to make deals here in the market place of America; Let’s make a deal! Starring TV’s favorite dealer, Monty Hall!”

The Zambian version would go; “All these politicians, broke as they are, come from all over the Republic to make deals, here on the market place of Zambia; Let’s make some deals! Starring our unashamed dealers; P-O-L-I-T-I-A-N-S!”

I guess this explains why people will do anything to get into political office. If you are going to bribe your way in, beat up your opponents, slander them and all you can use from the Department of Dirty Tricks, don’t you dare tell me you want to be my servant, coz you are lying through your teeth. You want to make bucks and more bucks until the local bank can’t contain your bucks and you stuff them in a tunnel.

I want to petition God for a special place in hell where the temperature is a trillion times higher than the US Federal Government deficit and where these thieves can be cast and their weeping and gnashing of teeth will be beyond what the Richter Scale can measure.

So why am I thinking like so? Because in the saying of that memorable line from the movie “Network”; “I’M AS MAD AS HELL AND I’M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!”

It’s just a thought.

IT’S JUST A THOUGHT: -“MENE, MENE, TEKEL, URPHASIN”. WRITING IS ON THE WALL FOR DICTATORS.

I was just thinking. What’s wrong with dictators? They hang on to power and neither see when the writing is on the wall nor understand it or even try to decipher it.

In Chapter 5 of the Book of Daniel in the Bible, Belshazzar the king of Babylon is having a shindig in the palace with lots of people, boozing, munching, praising the gods of their gold and silver and you know what  when a hand of a man appears on the wall and starts writing some stuff. “MENE, MENE, TEKEL URPHASIN” .  Belshazzar is scared shitless so much that his knees knock against each other. He cries and brings in all his juju guys, sangomas and astrologers to try and get an answer but no one has any idea what’s cutting.

After a while young Daniel is called and to him it’s a piece of cake. He tells the king that there is serious jelly coming his way. “MENE, MENE” means “God has numbered your kingdom, and finished it;” “TEKEL”: You have been weighed in the balances, and found wanting; “URPHASIN”: Your kingdom has been divided, and given to the Medes and Persians." That very night Belshazzar is taken out. Gone. Dead, Kaput!

Fast forward to Luke 19:41-44. The Lord Jesus has left Jericho and as He draws near Jerusalem, He sees the city and weeps over it saying, "If you had known, even you, especially in this your day, the things that make for your peace! But now they are hidden from your eyes.  For days will come upon you when your enemies will build an embankment around you, surround you and close you in on every side, and level you, and your children within you, to the ground; and they will not leave in you one stone upon another, because you did not know the time of your visitation." 

The Bible doesn’t contain the word of God; IT IS the word of God. And His word never returns without accomplishing what He sends it for. 

Now parallel this with the events surrounding the death of Sadaam Hussein, Muammar Gadhafi and you could even throw in Osama Bin Laden if you like. MENE, MENE TEKEL URPHASIN was on the wall but did they give it a blankety blank? No! And just as Jesus said it, these dictators got taken out together with their sons! Now that’s tough cheese.

You would think those who are still hanging around would, like Belshazzar, at least ask for a Prophet Daniel to find out what the writing on the wall is saying but no, no, no, they think they’ve got some kind of heat-shield, but hey, when people get mad nowadays it’s like they are human heat-seeking missiles. They know you are heading for the farthest tunnel in your home town. Big mistake coz as sure as the night turns to day, they’ll pull you out of that tunnel and if you are unlucky, some happy slappy trigger happy guy is going to put a bullet in your head after bopping you upside de head and you will be in another tunnel heading for hell.

So, hey, I’m just picking on the Master’s words here. Any dictator cuckoo enough to read this better  do a bit of brain-scratching and plan your move to a farm or dacha before the chickens come home to roost. Don’t forget to thank me or the advice. 

It’s just a thought.

IT’S JUST A THOUGHT: WAR ON WAR

I was just thinking.

War is dangerous for children and other living things. What really gets me worked up is that those who don’t start war are the ones who catch the flak while the warlords are nicely tucked in some luxurious palace or cave. Ask Osama. Oops, he’s down under. There is always some kind of war going on somewhere in the world and some are so big that the initiators themselves live in fear of out-nuking each other. The Americans and the Russians have nuclear weapons that can wipe planet Earth a dozen times over. Now, that’s really dumb because once you nuke us all out the first time, there will be nobody left to nuke let alone do the nuking a dozen times more!

It seems to me some Africans get itchy in their bums if there isn’t a war going on in their backyard. They start a small rebellion and men and women run to the bushes. Because there isn’t much to do there, the women get pregnant and in nine months or sooner, you have hundreds of whimpering skinny kids with no food and water.

Some years back, peace talks between Congo DRC factions and the Kabila government were hosted by South Africa at a luxurious Sun City hotel. I saw pictures on television of these rabble rousers immaculately dressed (one was in a white suit, white shirt, white tie and white socks and shoes) and enjoying a huge breakfast. Meanwhile, thousands of innocent people displaced because of lust for power and wealth, were roasting World Food Program maize for breakfast at some refugee camp in the bush.

Do you really think that these chaps were going to quickly come to an agreement with all the luxury around them? Naa! I don’t think so. That is why they took months at Sun City pretending that they could not agree. Where else to have a good time than Sun City? Nice and tasty South African beef sausages, bacon, eggs, toast and a dozen glasses of freshly squeezed orange juice and a huge dinner washed down by the finest from South Africa’s Cape Town vineyards is the right recipe for these guys not to agree on anything quickly.

The genocide in Darfur is horrible. The warring parties a few years ago, were holed up at some posh hotel in Arusha, Tanzania, pretending to hold peace talks. Did you see them on BBC World, arriving at the Arusha International Conference Center, decked out in Gucci suits, no ties, looking healthy and strong?

Next time our leaders have differences, they must not draw peace loving innocent people like us into the fracas. If Jacob Zuma or Ban Ki-Moon want to organize peace talks for the warring parties, these should take place at a refugee camp. Better still; a zoo would be the most appropriate place for these ‘monsters’ to sort out their differences. Real animals could instead be moved to Sun City to make room in the zoo for peace talkers.

While in the zoo, the leaders must have no clean food and water, no toilet facilities (that includes toilet tissue, and make sure there are no old newspapers lying around) and no toothpaste or tic tacs. They must first be shown a video of their people suffering before proceeding with the talks. Lock them in the cages and don’t let anybody get out, even if their bowels open up involuntarily. Keep the Red Cross AND Doctors Without Borders far away from the zoo.

Elsewhere, the Americans are at it in Afghanistan, Hamas and the rest of the Palestinians are at Israel’s neck but of course, you must understand that these are family differences which have been going on since Abraham decided to have a shortcut to the promised child resulting in Isaac and Ishmael not being very nice to each other. Sudan and South Sudan, kith and kin, are not having lunch together and, of course, Iran’s Ahmadinnerjacket cannot wait to nuke Israel out of existence. I can hear him say, ‘That’s one big hole in the planet and one giant leap to Armageddon”. Libya’s Gadhafi is in the hereafter at the hands of his own comrades, Egypt’s Mubarak and family are in the slammer, Ben Ali skipped from Algeria skipped and who knows who’s next. Somalia are messing around with Kenya and that’s like playing with fire. Here in Zambia some brothers think they should chew away a large sandy chunk of our wonderful country and govern themselves.

In Biblical times, Kings used to lead their armies into battles. For example, King David went out to war with his army quite a bit, well except for this one time when he decided not to and ended up hanky pankying with Uriah’s wife, Bathsheba. Boy, did God get angry! Anyway, when defeated, a king and his army would return with their tails tucked between their legs but the victorious army would go on and plunder the defeated territories.

So, I was just thinking of a solution which would preserve the rest of peace loving humanity like you and me. What the world needs in modern warfare is to get the battle away from our cities and villages and that’s where I come in.

The United Nations must create a territory, far away from the rest of mankind, where aggrieved parties can go and fight without harming us. They must not return until there is a victor, of course the winners must provide proof that they are the champs. Since war is mostly fought by men, the winning side must bring the head of the defeated President or leader and the foreskins of all his soldiers. The Bible tells us that Samson was good at collecting foreskins. The winning party must also remember to chop off the big toes of the defeated.

Now that you have a UN Secretary General from a high tech country, all he and his advisors think about are flash disks, digital cameras, karaoke laptops, inventing special cooking pots that are fully kitted with an AM/FM stereo and a four-inch HD Flat Screen and of cause, making homosexuals comfortable, etc. So, the UN chief doesn’t have the time to find the ideal place to do battle. That’s where I come in!

How about Australia?

Australia has jungles for Yoweri Museveni and the Lord’s Resistance Army, Tiger Tamils or East Timor rebels, to do battle. There are deserts for the Arabs, Taliban and others, including Americans, since they now enjoy the experience of desert warfare. The vast waters surrounding this huge continent are available for those who prefer sub-marine warfare. Australia has every kind of terrain desired by any of the warring parties in the world and it is far away from the rest of civilization. The UN must buy this continent for a battleground now. It is the only right thing to do.

Now, “where do we take the Australians?” you may ask. Well, those who love rugby and cricket can be accommodated by South Africa somewhere in Kwazulu-Natal. The Russians can take all vodka drinkers and their families; all the aborigines and kangaroos.  Crocodile Dundee can move to Botswana where the bushmen would be delighted to have their own kind dwelling among them and I am sure the British Queen would take the rest of her subjects. Of course New Zealanders and other nearby islanders, being in the line of fire, would move to Zimbabwe but will not be allowed to go into farming.

There it is! The UN must now buy Australia!

It is possible though that Australia could be full of battles, leaving no room for new adversaries to find space because some wars take years... and years. This is why I am delighted that space exploration is in high gear. The Americans hope to send man to Mars before 2020 and that planet could be the ideal place for those interested in high-tech warfare. North and South Korea could annihilate each other in outer space and hopefully China and Taiwan would return as one to once again conquer the world with cheap zhing zhongs for export and new investments in Zambia and the rest of Africa. Al Qaeda has a huge selection of caves on Mars for a hiding place. Arms dealers could set up shop at one of Mars’ moons. The moons are small enough and orbit quite close to the red planet. Captain Kirk and Dr. Spock would be available as consultants; “beam me up Scotty!” All we need to do is ask our Pentecostal/Charismatic brothers and sisters to fast and pray, asking God to create the ideal atmospheric conditions for the earthly visitors to survive.

The nice thing about fighting battles on Mars is that it is very, very far away. It could be arranged that spaceships designed to ferry troops to Mars take about two years or so to get there and perhaps after the long trip, the warring parties would be too tired to fight. They would both make peace or, if unable to, go to battle and take another two years to fight and another two years to get back. Just imagine, peace and goodwill on earth would reign for six whole years or more! Wow!

It’s just a thought.